None. Seriously, none. If your dog is depressed or suffering panic attacks, throw it a fucking frisbee.
Your hamster is very tired doesn't eat much or drink sleeps all the time and hasn't pooped you are so worried about her?
Am I? 'Cause I thought I couldn't give a rat's arse.
What do you call the bowl you use in a party?
A party bowl, dude.
Why does fresh bat guano stink so bad?
I think that the real question is 'why are you sniffing bat shit?'
Can Dragons really Breathe Fire?
Once again, you're not really asking the right question...
How do you clean vomit off a mattress?
You're a real go-getter, aren't you. I can just tell.
The capital of somania?
Buchadishu. Next!
Why am I 10 years old and use 5 rolls of toilet paper a day if I don't even end up pooping?
Are you dressing up as a mummy? Then I give up.
Why is there a start at the beginning of a serial number on a one dollar bill?
I know! And that end at the ending: I mean, what is up with that?
What jobs can diabetics do?
Sugar-taster? No, wait: King of the Chocolate Kingdom. Argh. Forget it, there's nothing.
Anus numbing lube?
No thanks, I'm good.
Does every Internet site you have visited show up on your Credit card bill?
Yes, and every thought you've ever had is going to be on your bank statement, you dirty boy.
How can you grow your cheeks?
I know. I'm not going to tell you though, you thin-cheeked bastard. Will that anus numbing lube work on my brain?
What protective clothing has to be worn when feeding people in care homes?
Full kevlar body armour. I found that out the hard way.
Denver has a 2 inch penis?
No, you're thinking of Mile High Stadium.
What is the Black Death things that can happen to you while you've go the?
Well, they say your grammar is the first to go, followed by a painful swelling of the lymph nodes...
How did prehistoric humans obtain their vitamin d?
Well, they had lots of sun in prehistoric times, you're probably thinking of the Dark Ages. Half a millenia of people wandering around in the dark, being ignorant. You would've loved it.
Why is the pressure in the left ventricle only 10 mm hg during diastole?
Sir, you are, without doubt, the worst doctor in the world. I can see it now, two hours in to open-heart surgery: "Hang on, I just need to nip out and check something...".
How can you get decease from kissing?
Forget to breathe.
Can a tennis ball be flushed down a toilet?
I can see you've got another productive afternoon in front of you.
Which experiences a greater change of momentum an egg that splatters on your face or an egg that you catch with your hands why?
I'm sorry, but some of these things require extensive in-the-field testing. Off you go!
Vanessa hugdens were do you lives?
I'm here, Heathcliff! Let me in! I've been a waif these twenty years, open the window!
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