Wikitards

Mock them from being smart...

2010-03-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

George how did your son die?

This one was put in the categories George Washington and George Harrison. So I reckon he thinks George Harrison is George Washington’s son. Which means he thinks that he passed on his forename rather than his surname, which is backed up by him posting, ‘Who was Thomas Jefferson's dad?’ in the Thomas Edison section. Also, he appears to believe he is actually asking George Washington. Sometimes stupidity is like the layers of an onion.

How can you become friends with the bitches at your school?

Might want to subtly re-jig your attitude there, sport.

How long should someone wait to use an opiate after coming off a methadone dose of 110 mg?

Sorta missing the point of methadone there.

Can you marry a potato or is that just a myth?

That is neither true nor a myth.

Your computer says internet explorer has stopped working whot does it mean?

Back in the day, error messages used to be so impenetrable as to be near-useless to mere mortals: today someone needs this explaining.

How did obama become a senator?

In a military coup. How do you think?

What are some unknown facts about hitler?

I had one, but as soon as I realised it, it became a known fact. Sorry.

Why a student should not laugh at another student mock them from being smart?

Please tell me you’re the smart one.

They are charging the customer the same price for a 16 lb. bag that was 18 lbs. about a month ago. Why are they offering a 16 lb bag instead of 18 lbs and charging the same price?

To make more money out of you. What the fuck do you need 18 pounds of every month, anyway?

What is a solid figure with one pyramid?

A pyramid.

Why is pi used in the volume formula for a sphere?

Because they tried using other numbers, and their balls went all wrong.

Who wrote the quote when life gives you 100 reasons to cry show life you have 1000 reasons to smile?

No idea, but they sound like an intolerable shit-weasel.

Is fifteen months more than one half?

No, it’s at least 3.2 joules per furlong squared less than a half, unless you’ve filled nine of the months with kittens and loathing.

What was jane austens favourite colour?

The shimmering black glow of blood trailing down alabaster skin in the moonlight. Or pink. Probably pink.

Can a baby be deydrated when he eats normal?

Your baby is going to need liquids as well. I know, I know, the responsibilities of parenthood never end.

Name the country that speak French?

Wow.

How can you remove a baby from your stomach?

Just do whatever you did to get a baby in to your stomach backwards.

2010-02-24T05:03:00.000-08:00

Make yourself cum?

Not without a ‘please’. Oh, go on then.

You just shot a person what do you do?

Quick! Consult the internet!

Just how nutty are squirrel droppings?

I love the way you can hear the tone of voice used when asking this question.

Is it illegal to download kiddie porn in internatinoal waters?

You’re planning a paedo-cruise, aren’t you? That’s going to be one creepy boat.

Do you have to use a condom on a dildo?

There’s something quite charming about a horny, cautious idiot.

When you smoke can smoking cause brian cancer?

Only if you blow the smoke in Brian’s face.

Can you eat your own semen?

No! If you do, you’ll grow a clone of yourself inside you. Since your clone will be genetically identical to you, it’s destined to repeat your mistakes: so he’ll eat his own semen, and grow another clone inside him, and so on. They call it Russian Doll Syndrome.

Merit and demerit ofICT in computer?

One positive aspect of having ICT in a computer is that you can then use it for computer stuff, rather than just staring at a cardboard box with ‘computer’ written on it while humming happily to yourself. A negative aspect is that it will fuck up a lot more than the cardboard box would.

How to rename 2450 without using a caculator?

Write 2450 out in large numerals on an A3 piece of paper. Stand up in the cafeteria and hold the piece of paper aloft. Say in a loud, authoritative voice, “I name this number ‘Mouthbreather’s Constant’, in the name of Christ the Redeemer”, or the deity of your choice. Return to your seat, and bask in the satisfaction of a job well done.

How is the life cycle of a butterfly different from that of a human?

Oh come on, I knew this shit when I was back in the chrysalis.

I'd walk a mile for a camel?

Who fucking wouldn’t?

What is not true about atoms?

The nucleus of every atom contains at its core a sub-atomic middle-aged housewife desperately searching a mini bar for the last mini-bottle of gin. Probably some other stuff too.

2010-02-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

How can you use deferment in a sentence?

I’ll tell you later.

What shape has 6 sides and 6 angels?

The Holy Hexagon of Dornoch.

Can you jizz in space?

Not if you want to remain on speaking terms with the other astronauts.

In spanish estar and ser both mean to be but one means location and condition and the other is for inherit characteristis in french etre means to be but what would be the french word for temp stuff?

Firstly, if I’ve understood your question correctly, être as well. Secondly, perhaps it might be better to focus on language number one before branching out.

Can you add a prefix to the word migrant?

I can add fucking dozens. Cryptomigrant, astromigrant, paleomigrant ... see, it’s fun. You try.

What is nineteen thousand?

OVER 9000!!!

Would a sheep die if its wool is not shaved and left to grow?

Oh, come on. Where do you think clouds come from?

What is your challenges in interpersonal communication?

Not half as much as yours.

Where can you find Eye of the tiger sheet music for the clarinet?

Um, dunno. Maybe alongside other more traditional contraceptives.

How would you know if a Girl gets to Horny?

She grows a scorpion tail and tries to snap off your winky.

What is quantam mechanics?

I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.

You are looking for a song to tell a girl that you got eyes only for her?

‘I Only Have Eyes For You’, maybe?

What is the elivatore code for bioshock?

Firstly, learn to spell. Secondly, in my day, when we were stuck in a computer game, we didn’t run off to the internet to whine, ‘I can’t kill the blue Galaxian that’s three in from the right and one row up’. No, we kept mashing that return key until either all the Galaxians were dead, or we ran out of lives. And do you know what happened when they were all dead? Were we rewarded with a flashy cut scene, or an unlocked new weapon? No. Just a visually identical, but tactically improved set of Galaxians. It was like being spat on after coming home from ‘Nam. Although getting spat on after fighting in Vietnam was, admittedly, probably worse. But after spending all afternoon wrestling with this Sisyphean task, all that there’d be waiting for us was Findus Crispy Pancakes for dinner and Terry and fucking June on the telly. You know what? Fuck the eighties and fuck your computer game so-called problem. Bioshock is awesome though. Wait, what were we talking about?

What were JFK's obstacles?

Winning an election against a more experienced opponent, pushing through civil rights legislation when a large proportion of the population were massively opposed to the measures, and the crazed gunman shooting bullets at his head. Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

2010-02-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Are there any women in Egypt?

No, everyone migrates during summer to procreate.

Why don't foreign Jews know that American Jews don't think Negroes who can pass for white should call themselves Jews or whites?

I’ve read your question several times, and I still don’t really understand it. I’m pretty sure it’s super-duper racist though.

How do you find your girls hole to penetrate?

That’s one lucky lady you’ve got there, tiger.

8 Look at the drawing The numbers alongside each column and row are the total of the values of the symbols within each column and row What should replace the question mark?

I’d love to help you with your homework, but smart as I am, I’m still going to need to see the drawing.

Why do women reject men even though they know it will kill the man inside?

I bet you’re a real barrel of laughs at the moment.

How does a cow moves?

Depends if you’ve put it on roller skates or not.

Did i concieve my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex and my right uterus has been on the moves?

Your right uterus? You really don’t deserve reproductive organs at all.

Are Cheetahs invertebrates?

That wouldn’t really work now, would it?

What does the word haya mean in french?

It means a French person is going to karate chop you.

What are two lines that cross at exactly the same point called?

All lines that cross do so at exactly the same point.

What happens if you remove the spinal cord?

Nothing good.

Have argument husband dont talk to me unless he wants sex?

Really? You seem like quite the conversationalist. He’s totally missing out.

How do you become limber?

Grow more arms and legs. Ba-dum tish.

Can you get a sex change in to megan fox?

Do you mean, like, without her noticing? Or you’re male, and you want to become Megan Fox? Either way, I salute your ambitiousness.

How do ladybugs maintain homo stasis?

By dazzling them with the pretty patterns on their wings. Unless you meant homeostasis.

How much can you sell a crab?

You can entirely sell a crab.

Is it okay to have sex with a underage girl if her mother is ok and watches?

Dude, you can’t even see ‘okay’ from where you are.

How do you touch your 4th grade teachers boobs?

I really can’t help you with that: but Godspeed, little buddy. Godspeed.

Where in Aberdeen is the shop?

Let me guess: you’re from the ol’ US of A? Thought so. Well, as a former resident of Aberdeen, I can announce that Aberdeen is now operating a multi-shop policy, after Iain McTavish, Aberdeen’s shopkeeper, collapsed from exhaustion.

What is the name of the people that help you if youre on drugs?

Drug dealers.

Very sticky-back plastic...

2010-01-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

How do i know i'm touching my cervix?

The other passengers are looking at you funny.

What are the advantages of eating junk food?

Maybe it's just me, but I like this fat fuck’s can-do attitude.

Can a woman get pregnant after the third day of having sex?

I wouldn’t know, I’m always done in ten minutes.

How old do you have to be to join the military in Niger?

Of all the hare-brained schemes hatched on Wikianswers, this is probably the most retarded.

How 2 make a vagina at home?

Oh dear God, no.

'what do I do when I get to the frogs?

You’ll know when you get there. You’ll just know.

What are the advantages of travelling?

You’re in a different place than you were before the travelling. See also ‘disadvantages of travelling’.

List examples of real life psychoanalysis?

Sadly enough, the submitter of this question had placed it in the algebra section.

Who is the Gospel of Luke written to?

Unsurprisingly, it’s in the very first sentence of the Gospel of Luke, you lazy twat.

What is the average pay for a elemetry school teacher in california with a masters?

You’ve got a what now? Seriously?

When a guys says he kinda loves you?

He doesn’t.

How many calories should a 16 year old girl who weighs 220 lbs and excersizes half an hour a day eat a day?

A shitload less than she has been.

What is in north hemisphere?

Bit of a broad question, that. Try again.

Is europe located in the north pole?

Right, I think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding going on here, but have another go.

Wich hemisphere incudes the North pole and and the?

Okay, you lost focus towards the end of the question. Don’t worry, it’s easily done. You’re getting close, I can feel it. Here we go.

Is europe in the same hemisphere as the north pole?

Eureka! That’s a proper question. Okay, first: buy a fucking map. Second, since you’ve taken four attempts to ask a pig-shit ignorant question: don’t eat the map.

Your Mum

2009-01-12T18:40:00.000-08:00

How would you find the mass for a metal cube?

I'd weigh it.

What does it mean if a woman wears a black bra?

She's got boobs. Awesome.

What causes severe cramps blackouts and cold sweat and a low temp?

I don't know. Do you know why? Because I'm not a doctor. Ask a doctor.

What caused slaves to become entrenched?

Trenches.

Does it hurt having your baby alot?

Yes, it stings like hell. Try having your baby a little.

What is the nucleic acid directly associated with cell division?

I'm sorry, that's a sensible question. Fuck off, we're busy.

When do you use onomatopoeia?

When I shoot you in the head. BANG!

Pills you can take to make your butt grow?

No idea, but there are a couple of cakes I can recommend.

When can you see the moon tomorow?

Nighttime.

Who you are sittin next to?

Your mum. I won't tell you what she's doing.

Who is a person that has disease and doesn't know it?

Your mum. I won't tell you which disease, but in a few days she'll have skin lesions, and she's going to be bat-shit crazy in about three years.

How Do You InhaleAnd Exhale?

I can't help but think that this person is urgently in need of a quick answer. I'm not going to give it to him, in the name of Charles Robert Darwin.

Quelle animaux est dans un lac?

Mon sac des chiots.

Regular education initiative was not completely cuccessful?

It would appear so.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

2008-09-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

How do you convert grams to millimeters?

Stretch them out until they're long and thin.

What is money used for in Germany?

Bratwurst and lederhosen.

Where is the geezer pyramid located?

Daaan the ol' Thebes road, in the Valley of the Pearly Kings, innit?

How do you write a sentence with the word buffoon in it?

Lord, deliver me from temptation...

What are your legal rights electric power is over chargeing you?

Forget the lawyer, just stop licking the socket.

Is there a chance that your baby's hair can be the same color as your dyed hair?

If you mean 'Can a baby inherit its mother's dyed hair colour?', please hand in your DNA, you don't deserve it.

What is the capital Hounduras?

It's the settlement in a country that houses the government offices, and don't call me Hounduras. © L. Nielsen.

What is the location of russia?

Just north of Uzbekistan. I bet I can guess what your next question is...

Which team of american astronauts first met and connected with a spacecraft?

What kind of astronaut doesn't meet and connect with a spacecraft? Shit astronauts, that's what kind.

How is it possible for a forty year old man to be born in Nineteen Twenty-Three?

Holy crap, it's 1963! Someone warn JFK!

How do you measure a volume amount of soda in one can?

It says it on the side of the can, dumbass.

How does the mind works?

In the case of my brain, billions of neurons dynamically form connections to memorise information, deal with complex concepts, and respond to a wide variety of stimuli. In the case of yours, a bit like an Etch-a-Sketch with a sticky vertical knob.

Can't you see I'm on the 'phone...

2008-08-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

What happens when an apple is put in water?

Wet apple.

What is Emergent Incipient Formative phase of Filipino evolution?

I don't know, but it sounds scary.

What is the spiritual message when bugs appear in your house?

Clean your house, hippy.

There is this girl at church you think she is cute and want to get to know her better but every time I go to talk to her she is already in her car any tips for talking to her with out scaring her?

Just press your face up to the car window and stare.

Do girls always like to be ejaculated on?

Yes, except when they're on the telephone or shopping.

Ok your girl friend is 17 and pregnat im 16 do you need your parents signature?

Now's not the time to be worrying about the paperwork.

I am 17 years old and 6'0 tall What will my final height be?

5'4'', after the incident with the chainsaw.

How would you describe the physical appearance of a volcano?

Magma-spitting death triangle.

What is the history of penguins?

Basically the same as that of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, but waddlier.

I want to have oral sex two weeks after an abortion?

Do you? Well, the first thing that you need to do is get pregnant...

Brat Pack vs. Velociraptor

2008-07-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

How are hot and cold deserts different?

I'm not sure if you mean deserts or desserts: either way, the issue is mainly one of temperature.

Can you put bleach in dog water to fight bacteria?

I don't know, why don't you check?

How can you talk to a parrot?

Just build up your courage, and remember to be yourself.

What is the name of a 1980s movie that isnt animated with mini dinosaurs?

Tricky one, maybe 'St. Elmo's Fire'. Would've been better with animated mini-dinosaurs though.

How do you take care of guinea piggies?

Woo wov dem wery much.

How many testicles are used?

4.3 billion of them, if you mean human ones. Please don't make me count again.

Why corbin has not sending any lettersback to me I am though writing Lettres to you corbin.you need to call me corbin because Iam your match If you like it or not.?

Lucky Corbin.

When pyramid of light is on the field and there are two Andro Sphinxes when pyramid of light dies do they both die?

I know that this is probably concerning some computer game, or a Magic: The Gathering style card game: but I like to imagine that this a real problem some kid faces on his lawn every night after his parents have gone to sleep.

When will the american legion open its doors to all veterans you were in the service from oct through apri of 519 but cannot join but yet they let others jointhat have never served but are children?

Probably because you're a millenium-and-a-half years old, and look quite scary.

This is a huge body of water and is it called ocaen?

Timmy emerged from the cave where he'd been imprisoned his entire life. He shielded his eyes from the bright, unknown light from above. Unfortunately, all the police and social workers were too busy talking to the press, so they left Timmy with a laptop and told him to figure out the world for himself.

What is the gayest race in the world?

Men's 1500m cock-sucking relay.

Could you play sport on pluto?

Let's find out! You fire up the rocket engines, I'll fetch the swingball...

When was the berlin wall re-opened?

I think it's been fairly open since it was forcibly opened in 1989.

How do you Resolve miscommunication with customer?

Just call them a fuckwit. From experience, they tend to understand that communication only too well.

How do bunnies communicate with eachother?

Solely through the medium of 'Bright Eyes' by Art Garfunkel.

Why are 70 percent of the hotels and motels in the US mow owned by Middle Easterners and are they housing terrorists and illegals aliens?

Because your relentless onanism is making Jesus angry.

How many square feet equals one square?

I'm sorry, this question is totally blowing my mind.

What could cause a knot on left side of your neck?

Hanging.

Why don't Australia have the death penalty?

I'll make a deal with you: you learn to conjugate verbs, and I'll let you have the death penalty. Deal? I thought not.

Will a felony show up on a criminal history check?

I certainly hope so, or else there's not much point in having them at all.

The world's greatest economist.

2008-07-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

In our yard we found partly decomposed 6 inch fish skeleton which had probably been passed through another creature with manure and bark attached to it - live on a lake in N Ont?

Listen, you can't just run off to a lake in North Ontario every time you find a fish skeleton in the garden.

Sentence with ending o?

You just answered your own question.

Why was world war two a good thing for hitler?

He got to see lots of new and interesting places, and met a nice lady called Eva.

Organisations in the world and year of establishment?

In no particular order:

The National Canine Defence League: 1891
The Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club: 2001
Procrastinators' Club of America: 1956
...
You don't have to be anywhere any time soon, do you?

Why not put a cap on oil prices?

Bravo! Who thought the answer to high oil prices would be so simple. All the world's economists, hang your heads in shame.

Why aren't you sideways at the equator?

It took me a little while to figure out what this question meant; once I did, I became more concerned that the wikitard was more worried about being sideways at the equator, than about all those poor Aussies clinging on for dear life.

Who was the first black person ever born?

Zephaniah Jackson, of Savannah, Georgia. Born on 12th May 1876, he gave his parents the fright of their lives.

What is the exact average weight of an 11 year old girl?

Determining the exact average weight of eleven-year-old girls is tricky; to be exact, one must measure the weight of all eleven-year-old girls simultaneously, and they are skittish creatures.
Unless you mean the exact average weight of a particular eleven-year-old girl, in which case you just pop her on a set of electronic scales on her elventh birthday, and take regular readings until her twelfth.

What australian mammal can jump higher than a building?

All of them. Unless you mean a regular sized building: then none of them.

How do you scare moles away?

How are you not scaring moles away?

Is it bad to run your cat without a Catylic converter?

I hope you're joking.

What is the smallest fish in biology?

Photocorynus spiniceps, although the smallest fish in Astronomy is Kepler's Guppy.

Sad dog :-(

2008-07-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

What is the dosage of xanax for a 43 pound dog?

None. Seriously, none. If your dog is depressed or suffering panic attacks, throw it a fucking frisbee.

Your hamster is very tired doesn't eat much or drink sleeps all the time and hasn't pooped you are so worried about her?

Am I? 'Cause I thought I couldn't give a rat's arse.

What do you call the bowl you use in a party?

A party bowl, dude.

Why does fresh bat guano stink so bad?

I think that the real question is 'why are you sniffing bat shit?'

Can Dragons really Breathe Fire?

Once again, you're not really asking the right question...

How do you clean vomit off a mattress?

You're a real go-getter, aren't you. I can just tell.

The capital of somania?

Buchadishu. Next!

Why am I 10 years old and use 5 rolls of toilet paper a day if I don't even end up pooping?

Are you dressing up as a mummy? Then I give up.

Why is there a start at the beginning of a serial number on a one dollar bill?

I know! And that end at the ending: I mean, what is up with that?

What jobs can diabetics do?

Sugar-taster? No, wait: King of the Chocolate Kingdom. Argh. Forget it, there's nothing.

Anus numbing lube?

No thanks, I'm good.

Does every Internet site you have visited show up on your Credit card bill?

Yes, and every thought you've ever had is going to be on your bank statement, you dirty boy.

How can you grow your cheeks?

I know. I'm not going to tell you though, you thin-cheeked bastard. Will that anus numbing lube work on my brain?

What protective clothing has to be worn when feeding people in care homes?

Full kevlar body armour. I found that out the hard way.

Denver has a 2 inch penis?

No, you're thinking of Mile High Stadium.

What is the Black Death things that can happen to you while you've go the?

Well, they say your grammar is the first to go, followed by a painful swelling of the lymph nodes...

How did prehistoric humans obtain their vitamin d?

Well, they had lots of sun in prehistoric times, you're probably thinking of the Dark Ages. Half a millenia of people wandering around in the dark, being ignorant. You would've loved it.

Why is the pressure in the left ventricle only 10 mm hg during diastole?

Sir, you are, without doubt, the worst doctor in the world. I can see it now, two hours in to open-heart surgery: "Hang on, I just need to nip out and check something...".

How can you get decease from kissing?

Forget to breathe.

Can a tennis ball be flushed down a toilet?

I can see you've got another productive afternoon in front of you.

Which experiences a greater change of momentum an egg that splatters on your face or an egg that you catch with your hands why?

I'm sorry, but some of these things require extensive in-the-field testing. Off you go!

Vanessa hugdens were do you lives?

I'm here, Heathcliff! Let me in! I've been a waif these twenty years, open the window!